Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
