i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
