If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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