So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think my moral compass just broke
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
