i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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