Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
