Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
