i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
