If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Randomize
