I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The power of my boobs compel you
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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