The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
