R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
