So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
