she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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