Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Life is so much better after having sex.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think my moral compass just broke
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
