she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
