New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
