Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
