I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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