Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
