He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
