I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
