Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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