So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
A bitchslap is in order.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
