when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How does it feel to date your dad?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
