I'm lost and stupid without you.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
