he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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