I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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