too bad you live with your parents still
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
