I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
