How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
