people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
