Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
