Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
