Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
