drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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