I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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