I am spending my child support on dildos
He kissed a someone with a penis
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What a dumb baby whore.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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