There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
