I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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