chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
