I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
