you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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