Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
