I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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