So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
