Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I will pee on everything he values.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
sex in a hospital.. check
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
