Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
