I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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