maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
