literally had 100 drinks last night.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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