If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
